Anatomy of an MM Sex Scene
In my reading across various genres, I've come across some really bad sex scenes. Some of them were bad because they were trying too hard to be elegant. Some were bad because the prose was flat out distracting. A few were bad enough to make me question if the person writing them had ever actually had sex before.
I'm guessing you've been afflicted with a fair few bad sex scenes throughout your reading career, so today we're going to discuss the anatomy of an MM sex scene, and how you can write yours better.
Chemistry: The Bridge of the Requiter
To start with, nobody is going to care about your sex scene if the people involved in it are completely disconnected from each other. When we're writing sex scenes, a substantial proportion of the tension in the scene itself is coming from the connective tissue surrounding it. That's chemistry (yes, the kind I'm inclined to have a romance with).
Without interpersonal chemistry, a sex scene is just porn. It's just there to titillate you; and that's fine, but it's not likely to start the lawnmower as efficiently as if the parties to the scene have been interacting with each other in other ways as we build up to it. That build up is where we create tension, and it can be handled in numerous ways. It might express itself as pining after each other, yearning to be together. It might be going on dates, getting to know each other in the context of a budding relationship. It might even be slowly but surely realizing their hatred of each other is misplaced before climbing into bed with each other. Or maybe the sex scene itself serves as the inflection point in which two characters who do hate each other explore a deeper attraction that doesn't actually solve anything. Hate sex can be hot, too.
That chemistry nonetheless needs to be there for a sex scene to really hit. The characters need to be individuals before they can come together (literally and/or figuratively). The reader needs to see their want building toward this moment, or their denial of that want falling apart in the wake of raw attraction.
How we set the stage for the sex itself matters, and that brings me to my second point. The setting should serve a purpose.
Setting: The Plain of Delights
A common piece of advice you see all over the internet is that sex in a bedroom is boring, and you should write your sex scenes in more interesting places. That is somewhat true, but the reality is a little more complex.
In a romance novel, or a book in another genre unrelated to sex and intimacy, you might be able to get away with setting the stage in one or another character's bedroom, because the total volume of sex is going to be lower than in an erotic work. The relationship is at center stage, and the sex is only serving as a physical release signifying to you that the relationship is moving into new territory. As mentioned above, that might be as an inflection point in the romance in which feelings are being declared or the characters are overcome with a desire to fuck and just can't keep it in their pants any longer. But because there may only be one or two such scenes in the work, you have more leeway to use the boring setting.
Even so, you may notice many an author who writes more straightforward content isn't using the bedroom as a backdrop. Here's why.
Setting plays a critical role in an evolving relationship
When we're writing smut, we have a unique need to keep the reader engaged, horny, and focused on the play by play of the action in a scene, but that action gets repetitive. There are beats that tend to be common to any sexual encounter, and which tend to follow a predetermined formula based on practicality, even as we try to keep things hot by approaching them in different ways.
When we're working on a short, a novella, a full blown novel, or a series, keeping the reader engaged becomes a matter of diminishing returns insofar as we don't spike those oxytocin and dopamine levels by ratcheting up the tension, or refreshing the scene in some other way. With sex, you can only ratchet that tension up so far without playing with unorthodox structures and kinks.
So, we play with setting to keep things interesting.
In Wicked Hunger Iron Law, a work of erotic fiction that centers two romantic entanglements and doesn't shy away from graphic MM sex scenes, you'll see this concept play out in a bedroom scene that uses religious iconography, and the fact of it belonging to a married man, to introduce shame into the scene as a source of tension. You see a public encounter unfolding ahead of a major ceremony that makes the risk of being caught that much more substantial for the imminence of foot traffic bringing people through the area where the sex is happening. You see urgency explored in a seedy hotel in the Red Light District of Orfeis, when two men can't quite keep it in their pants long enough to get on with their planned date. And you see unorthodox settings playing their role when those very same men fuck in a river, wielding gay sex as a rejection of their faith in a direct parallel to the evangelical baptisms you see performed throughout the south. (You can see how all of these scenes play out, as well as how I develop sexual tension through the use of interpersonal chemistry in Wicked Hunger Iron Law for FREE if you have a Kindle Unlimited subsription.)
Each of these scenes plays with setting in a unique way in order to establish the shifting dynamics in a relationship and to keep things fresh and interesting as you engage with them. The stakes of getting caught in those public scenes are high, and this becomes a source of tension before anything else can happen. The source of tension in the private scenes is emotional, using the stage I've set as a means of exploring the internal emotional states of the characters. Adrien knows what he's doing is wrong when he finds himself in Lucienne's marital bed, with paintings of several saints within their faith appearing to cast judgment on him for entertaining this moral violation, with the knowledge Lucienne's wife is ultimately just a means to an end for him.
Luke surrenders to his carnal desires and engages in sex acts with Oliver in the Red Light District hotel, but guilt and shame sink in immediately after he finishes, and those are byproducts of being embedded in a faith that condemns him for who and what he is.
Setting can serve as both a source of external and internal tension. The interactions of the characters with that setting help define their emotional states in tangible ways. The setting itself can become potentially compromising to the characters, adding an element of danger to an otherwise straightforward scene.
Why authors generally avoid a straightforward sex scene set in someone's bedroom is because the scene itself is intended to have a specific function within the story. In erotica, that purpose is as simple as getting the reader off. The sex scenes are masturbation material. If they all follow the same beats, the reader will get bored, and they probably won't pick up your other works. In a story where the romance is central to the plot, or at least a prominent subplot, the sex is serving the purpose of relieving tension, or is functioning as a pivotal moment in which the relationship moves into a new stage. In the latter variety of works, sex is functioning as a plot point, and therefore needs to be purpose driven. As in the bedroom scene I described above, the religious iconography and the fact of the lover's marriage add tension to the scene, giving it a more claustrophobic feel which both contributes to the heat in the scene itself, and its function in the broader narrative. Ideally, if you're not writing erotica, your sex scenes should be serving more than one purpose.
Sexual Tension: Four Noble Truths
This is where I find myself struggling with much of the MM content I've read that is written, for better or worse, by straight women. It is by no means a sin committed exclusively by them, but it is a running theme that women have a tendency to write really bad gay sex. They can write good gay sex, too, don't get me wrong, and this isn't a bait and switch where I put them on blast about it. It's just a fact, and an expectation we should have as men who have sex with men...a byproduct of simply not being able to experience the physical realities of gay sex themselves.
There are four common beats involved in gay sex, which show up in just about every interaction we have. Those aren't altogether different across the aisle, but I'm going to go ahead and define them for our purposes anyway.
There is the preamble. We're taking each other's clothes off. We're making out. We're touching each other. We're jerking each other off.
Then, the transition into oral, which tends to overlap with the disrobing and jerking off. This usually takes the form of swapping head, and that can be done in various configurations. This isn't always a mutual step, and many, many men can't achieve orgasm from head by itself.
Following, we get into preparing the hole. I'm using this terminology for a reason. Rimming tends to happen at this stage. Sometimes, this also involves fingering. We're still in the foreplay zone. There's still overlap with the first two stages, though normally we're both (all?) naked by now.
Last, we have the penetrative sex itself. Side action has become a lot more common over the last few years, and that will inevitably stop short of this step. Nonetheless, here, we're applying lube, spitting on that hole in some cases, putting on condoms if we're using them (discussions of PreP use would have happened well before this unless we're talking about a first encounter with someone we met at the bar), and getting to the sex itself.
What tends to happen that breaks the immersion resides in a fundamental misunderstanding of how this works, the sensations involved, etc. Foreplay is a useful tool in generating tension, and in fact this is where most of the magic tends to happen in a good sex scene. Foreplay affords us the ability to incorporate much more than just what I've described above. We might bring in toys, explore kinks like pain, humiliation, bondage, etc. We might play with elements of the setting. All of this contributes to the allure within the scene, what's going to make you ungodly horny and yearning for that sweet release, the catharsis of orgasm, whether we've arrived at penetrative sex or not.
The Prostate and You
Ladies, read this closely. This is where a lot of your sex scenes fall apart.
I recently picked up Sex Wizards: Initiation by Alethea Faust. To be totally honest, her writing of man on man sex isn't terrible, but there have been some questionable maneuvers and a little language that makes it abundantly clear she was not aware of how this variety of "play" usually works when she wrote it. The line that comes to mind referenced a finger touching on "something", without really extrapolating on what that "something" was.
So here's the thing. The prostate is a very firm, ridged plane about three inches into the tunnel. You can and likely will feel it if you put your finger in your man's hole. It's also possible to drag the looser skin on the inside of the tunnel across it a short distance, and this feels really good. If he's on his back, it's going to be up top. The objective, when topping, is to hit or slide over it with your cock (head and shaft) until the bottom starts having orgasms, and you'll generally know that's happening because their hole will seize up around your cock, tightening aggressively, often while the bottom's body tenses up. If you're fingering that hole to the point of your man cumming, you'll feel the prostate tighten up around your fingertip, and when that happens, I'd recommend pressing against it harder, and rubbing in tight circles, because that's going to ramp up the sensation associated with that orgasm by a fucking lot.
The sex scenes I've read between two men tend to gloss over this either due to a fundamental lack of understanding for how this all works, or because it's not of interest to the author how the somatic responses to cumming play out. It's also not remotely necessary for a bottom to cum in order to achieve orgasm, and they'll tend to have multiple in one session if the dick is good.
When the top hits different parts of the prostate, it feels different. Closer to the front, the sensation tends to drive deeper into your groin. It's also easier to cum while you're getting railed when the top is hitting the portion of your prostate that's closer to the entrance. Hitting it on the back side tends to elicit more powerful sensations, but makes it harder to keep an erection. It's not uncommon for a bottom to go flaccid even if he's getting his rocks off good. And if he has enough orgasms, it might well be that his flaccid cock feels stiff and rubbery after the fucking is over.
Going over the whole thing or punching it in the middle is ideal. The latter can hurt if the top is being too aggressive about it, but a good top will know how to use his dick, and that's usually going to mean knowing when to change the angle in response to the bottoms physical cues. Get to a place of strong orgasm, and just rolling over that plane with your shaft can hold a bottom to orgasm until you let off the gas, whether you're thrusting fast and hard or not. Frankly, sometimes a slower pace draws out stronger orgasms.
While we're here, we should also talk about the inner ring. Yes, there is one. No it's not a myth. You have a second sphincter at the back of your anus that most men cannot hit. If they're well endowed (7+ inches), they can reach it, but they need to adjust their angle to do so, and trust me when I say not all of them know how to find it. Hitting this isn't like hitting a woman's cervix. It doesn't usually hurt. Rather, it feels incredible. The intensity and frequency of orgasm are both compounded by making that contact, but again, you're not going to get that "filled" sensation unless you're fucking someone who has a bigger than average cock and the ability to find the inner ring.
Why I'm explaining all of this is simple. Often, when women write gay sex, they slot themselves into the scene and explain the interactions, sensations, etc., in a way that is understandable to them. The results aren't always even bad. They're just inaccurate. Noteworthy, too, is that a hole doesn't feel the same way to a dick as a pussy. The entrance is apparently tighter most of the time, but once beyond that, the tension is less even. If there's any air trapped in there, you're not going to feel much unless you're angling your dick to slide over that prostate and/or hit the inner ring. Absent air to disrupt things, the feel is much tighter and more satisfying.
So let this set the record straight. Sex between men is a bit more nuanced than a one for one comparison to sex between men and women. There is overlap, but the feelings are generally different. It's been my experience that an orgasm from topping is stronger than an orgasm from bottoming, but you only get the one. The rest of the adventure is basically trying not to cum too fast while enjoying the subtler, physical sensations of tingling spreading throughout your body while you're in there; the warm, soft and slippery feeling of the hole and anal canal against your cock.
Bottoming doesn't always end with cumming, but it doesn't become frustrating for a lack of that happening either. Many bottoms don't want to cum unless they can do it while they're being penetrated, because the orgasms are much more intense from having their prostates stimulated. However, perhaps the most potent orgasm a man can have is one in which he has timed up cumming with a powerful prostate orgasm. Getting that double whammy isn't necessarily easy, but it is an entirely different animal when it happens.
A Last Word on Prose: Jihad an-Nafs
Take a look at this excerpt from a scene in The Hive: Manifest House
A blast of raw sexual energy slams into me. I am suddenly hornier than I have been in months, drunk with the urge to fuck, and I do not think anyone else will satisfy me. Not the way he can.
But this isn’t anything to do with Musk magic. He submits, and at the same time shapes me, uses his command of a different variety of magic to drive me into this frenzied state, and does so with the ease of driving cattle through a corral.
I lean back. My hole parts to admit his girthy cock, the red sea dividing before Moses, and he slides easily into me. He lays there as I ride him, as I work my hips, my knees, my arms swinging back, hands squeezing the comforter near the edge of the bed for added support as my head reels back and I quicken my pace. His musk fills my nose. The spicy, savory scent of his body gives me a heady high, awakening sensations I have not felt in so long I had forgotten the flavor of them.
I am nearing climax.
“I never wanted Chris.” He says. “Well, that’s not true. I don’t want him anymore.”
His stamina shows no signs of ebbing away. Raw, wild energy is building between us. I feel it rippling against my skin. My nipples vibrate. My body feels weak.
I slow, rock at the hips, swing forward and lay against him, my face buried into his neck. I paw the tangled mass of hair riding his crown and taste thicker, more pungent sweat as the bed screams under our weight.
He turns away from me, toward the window. I do not have to look to know Jeff is framed in that window, wearing his favorite Phillies T and nothing else, one arm bracing himself against its frame as he jerks off to us.
Luke chuckles.
“I’m close.” I rumble against his throat.
I pin his arms behind him with vice-like force, pound him with a barrage of musk compounds carrying on them complementary effects which would never work on a stronger target. Hidden within the cloud leaking from me—within the sweat dripping from my body onto his, within the seminal fluid building against the tip of my cock and forming thin ropes between our bodies as it strikes again and again against his navel—are command sequences, hormonal codes designed to reprogram his mind and his body. We will be bonded together in our way, who leads and who follows will be decided in the moment of our climax.
I straddle his thighs, pin them in place. All the while he wears a triumphant smile, his dark eyes creased, his straight, white teeth on full display.
I restrict his ties to his former masters, implement new conditions so that I may override their control and implement my own. At the same time, I use my advantageous position, my place of dominance over him, to drive the contest between us into new territory.
His eyes roll into their sockets. A loud, strained moan flies out of him as his teeth clamp down harder. He is about to cum.
I slam my ass down against his groin, pump my hips, feel my anus pulsing against his cock as I squeeze tighter, driving him closer to orgasm.
He imbibes my musk, knowing nothing of what it can do. I have taken advantage of his nascence in these arts and implemented hardwiring to keep him going, to heighten his senses to a level he has never experienced before.
His eyes shoot open, and he fixes his gaze on me. There is that wonder I saw the night prior. There is that vulnerability, so enticing in that it is for me and only me. I feel his body vibrating under me as I slow my pace, knowing he is on the cusp, knowing he cannot hold it any longer, timing our releases.
I stroke my cock now. With our scents in the air, the pheromones they carry, the signals penetrating into my body—exposure to so much testosterone, dopamine, serotonin emanating from him, adding to the ambient scents in the room—it takes almost nothing for me to arrive.
Right on time.
His cock pulses. His cum sails into me, and mine flies loose.
He cums, a hoarse moan issuing from him as his ejaculate climbs into my chamber, bastes the walls, and the room is filled with our mingled essences.
Cum oozes from my shaft as vibrations steal through me, as I collapse against his smooth body, and allow a last outpouring of my musk to blend with his, to be taken into his body where it may encode his bonding with new features, conditions I hope Chris never discovers, for I have exerted control over his pup, and he may seek to strike me down if he discovers my deception.
Luke looks into my eyes, and I see the purest, most lecherous infatuation lingering there. “You can have me.” he whispers.
In this sex scene, we see the elements I've talked about working together. The setting is a bedroom; however, it's a bedroom belonging to the rival and patron of a pup handler who has, through magical conventions, formed a bond between himself and the pup (Luke). It is made more interesting for that a closeted neighbor is watching from his bathroom window and getting off to the sex that is happening between the two parties two it, creating external tension as the POV character (Allen) performs for him.
The prose is doing the heavy lifting here. Some of what you're reading is couched in language that alludes to the in-world magic system, which is sex based. There are similes and metaphors sprinkled throughout, but I've used few of them, and then mostly to vary the description of sensations so that they don't boil down to "he orgasmed" or "he came", language that can get very boring very fast.
What I have avoided, though, is the kind of purple prose descriptions of anatomy that tend to distract from what's actually happening. No one's rose petals are getting parted. The prose surrounding the actual acts is largely utilitarian, direct, and frank.
I believe this language makes for a better sex scene because it isn't trying too hard. It's conveying what's happening to you in a way that is both grounded and direct, and that combination of flavors within the text makes immersion easier. You can (hopefully) see yourself in this scene.
Funny enough, this scene is part of a collection of shorts that you can get by signing up for my spicy newsletter. The whole collection amounts to about 30,000 words of hot action with a sprinkling of plot. Sex scenes take place at a magical sex club, in back alleys, etc. The work started as a self-contained story, but I rather quickly realized I didn't want to write urban fantasy, even as it is set in the city in which I live, so I pivoted and took the characters (Luke in book one, the others spread across future books) into a secondary world where I could explore the idea of gay sex and intimacy taking shape against the backdrop of a homophobic cult. Nonetheless, if you're looking for hot MM action in a dominance driven, hierarchical organization, with magic that derives its energy from man on man sex and uses it to make sex more enjoyable and rewarding, look no further.
When writing sex scenes between two men, often authors get the mechanics wrong out of ignorance. If you're seeking to write an MM sex scene for your book or other online content, I'd encourage you to pay special attention to the section on Sexual Tension, especially as it pertains to penetrative sex.
Sex scenes can go bad in a number of ways, and most of that isn't related to the scene itself, but rather the framing and the prose surrounding it. Get too flowery or purple with your language, and you'll introduce a cringe factor to the scene itself, which is very unsexy. As with anything you write, the prose should complement the content, not distract from it. The setting should serve a purpose if sex isn't the driving force behind your work of fiction. If you're writing erotica, the setting is going to help people stay engaged, so get creative with it. And don't forget to give your characters chemistry. A build up to the ultimate act will make it that much more arousing, and impactful. So, don't skimp on the details there.
Remember, you can make damned near anything hot if you write it well. I hope this gets those creative juices flowing (no pun intended). Happy writing.